The Big Red F

by Geneva Cobb Iijima

Lisa stared at the big red F on her math paper in disbelief. She knew she hadn't done well on the test. But an F? She expected a C-, maybe even a C--. But not an F!

She looked across the aisle at Miranda, her blond curls bouncing exuberantly as she chattered with the boy next to her. A large A practically glowed off her paper!

Honestly, some people have all the breaks!! Lisa said to herself, yanking a strand of hair out of her face.

Mr. Perkins's voice broke into her thought. "If any of you would like extra help in the next two weeks before final exams, I'll be in the room from 4 to 5 every day. Class dismissed."

Lisa wadded up her paper and threw it in the waste basket on the way out the door.

"Don't forget to recycle," Miranda called after her.

Lisa ignored her. That paper didn't deserve to be recycled!

She walked alone past ten apartment buildings until she reached 31st Street. Tears stung her eyes.

At the Lone Ridge Apartments, she was unlocking the mailbox when her friend Brooke ran through the entrance, long hair flying. "I tried to catch up with you for ten blocks. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lisa said, slamming the mailbox door. "Just Old Man Perk. He gave me an F!"

"Wow! And finals comin' up."

"Yeah. And I wanted to be a teacher! Some pipe dream that was!"

"I'm sorry," Brooke said. Then she remembered, "I better go. Mom wants supper at 5:00. She has PTA tonight."

Lisa took the elevator to the third floor. The key creaked in the lock. She went inside and threw the mail on the table. A letter addressed to her slid out from beneath the assortment of bills and junk mail.

"It's in my handwriting," she puzzled aloud as she slit the end open. A sheet of faded notebook paper tumbled to the table.

"My Dream for the Future," it read. The months rolled back in Lisa's mind, as she curled up on the sofa.

Her dream had unfolded last summer at camp. Before that, being a teacher had seemed impossible. But after they studied about Joseph in the Bible, his dreams of leadership and how they came about even after he was sold as a slave and wrongly imprisoned, almost anything seemed possible.

"What dreams has God given you?" Miss McLoughlin asked the campers sitting on the grass for their study session. "I there something that you really want to do? Is it a good thing? Then it's quite likely that God has given you that dream."

She asked the campers to write down one dream for the future. "I want to be a teacher," Lisa wrote.

The next two days' lessons were about Joseph's troubles as he was sold as a slave into Egypt and thrown into prison for a crime he didn't commit.

"What problems do you think you might come up against before your dream is fulfilled?" Miss McLoughlin asked.

Lisa looked down at the faded paper and read what she had written. "I suppose I'll have to study hard. Math is difficult for me. And I'll have to go to college. I'll have to try for scholarships because Mom can't afford it."

She remembered Miss McLoughlin's comments. "Whenever you have a dream, there are hindrances that come along. It is very difficult to keep trying. Many people get discouraged and give up. A dream is worth working for."

Lisa read her last paragraph. "I will study math. When I'm older, I will try for scholarships. I'll never give up!"

Miss McLoughlin collected the papers, saying she'd mail them to the campers in a few months. It's funny mine came today, Lisa thought.

She sighed and put the letter back on the table. She found her Bible on the floor under a couple of videos and settled down to read the story of Joseph again. She finished Genesis 37:39-41 before time to put potatoes in the oven and set the table.

That night she dreamed she was fighting dragons. They were trying to keep her from being a teacher. When she awoke, she wasn't sure who had won, but she was very tired.

Lisa ate peanut butter toast and went down to wait for Brooke.

"You look tired," Brooke commented.

"I am," Lisa replied. "I fought dragons all night."

"You what?"

"They were trying to keep me from being at teacher. I think they won," Lisa said as she kicked a rock down the sidewalk.

"I told Mom about the teacher thing. She said lots of teachers have trouble with one subject. She said it helps them become better teachers."

"She said what?" Lisa stopped and stared at her friend.

"Mom said people who find learning easy sometimes make poor teachers."

"Why?"

"People who have struggled learning something like math can explain it better so their students understand. Mom had a reading problem when she was younger."

"She did? Wow! And now she's a reading specialist!"

Lisa felt like she was walking on air. If Brooke's mom had succeeded, maybe she could, too. At least she felt that way until she got to math class.

Mr. Perkins asked them to take out their test papers first thing, so he could go over the questions.

Larry, who sat next to Lisa, saw her plight and shared his paper with her. Miranda leaned over and whispered loudly, "Can't you find your paper, Lisa?"

Lisa shot Miranda and angry look, her face blazing. And though she tried to follow Mr. Perkins's explanations, she was lost. Forget it, she thought. I'll never make it in math. But as she was going out the door, she heard Mr. Perkins say again, "Remember, I'll be in the room from 3 until 5."

At her locker after school, Lisa felt as if a war was going on inside her. One side of her said, Give up. You can't learn math anyway. You've never been good at it.

The other side said, Brooke's mother had a reading problem, and now she's a specialist.

But you aren't Brooke's mother; and reading's easier. Math's different. You just don't have what it takes.

But Old Man Perk - I mean Mr. Perkins - said he'd help.

It took every bit of determination Lisa could find, but she climbed the stairs to her math room with her book in hand. She had to try. It was her last hope.

But the door was CLOSED! He's not here, she groaned. All the teachers keep their doors open if they're in. Well, forget it. At least I tried, she thought to herself.

Knock, something inside her said. And so she did, heart pounding.

"Come on in." It was Mr. Perkins.

Lisa opened the door. "You wanted something?" he asked, looking at her over the top of his glasses.

"I, I wondered if you would help me with..." she stammered, then stopped and began again. "You see, I really want to be a teacher, but I can't learn math for anything." Tears were hovering at the edges of her eyes.

"A teacher, eh?" he asked, adjusting his glasses. "Well, just maybe I can help you with the math problem."

When she left a half hour later, Lisa understood the first four problems from the test. "You come back tomorrow, and I'll help you again," Mr. Perkins promised.

Just before she shut the door, he said, "And Lisa..."

"Yes."

"You keep working at it. Don't ever give up. You're going to make a fine teacher!"

"Thanks, Mr. Perkins," she said.

She shut the door and ran down the stairs smiling. "You know," she said to no one in particular, "I think he's right."

Originally published in Pockets magazine, January/February 1995. Copyright Geneva Cobb Iijima; reproduction without permission prohibited. Please contact Geneva Cobb Iijima for information about reprint rights.